Weddings are for everyone. Love is Love is Love!

As a wedding planner based in Chicago and plans weddings all over the country, we have worked with all kinds of couples and have heard the experiences of LGBTQ+, multiracial, and multicultural couples. The wedding industry still has a long way to go. Many publications, blogs, vendors, and documents have binary language. Many vendors are not educated about gender pronouns. Marketing for weddings is still often photos of white, straight, cis-gendered couples. When couples don’t see themselves represented it can make wedding planning very challenging and lessen the excitement of the big day.

At Fierce Productions one of our core values is inclusivity. We partner with small, local, woman, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ businesses. We work with all kinds of couples no matter who they are or who they love. We are always learning how to make our business and our business practices more inclusive! We are always learning! If you are in the wedding industry and also want to be more inclusive, here are some tips we use and recommend to make your business more inclusive.

Ask for Gender Pronouns

Do this when you first meet with the couple and always share your own. Don’t make assumptions on their gender and their roles. If you don’t know the pronouns of the wedding party, family, or other vendors than ask! It’s ok! We start by asking for gender pronouns on our contact form.

Here are some example pronouns people may use: (She/Her, He/Him, They/Them/, Ze/Hir, Ey/Em, Other)

Ask for titles

It’s 2021! Times have changed! There are so many gorgeous combinations of couples that we can no longer just say “Bride” and “Groom”. Ask what the couple would like to be referred as! Bride and bride? Groom and groom? Partner and spouse? The couple? Captain and first mate? The couple might have an intimate name they’d like to call each other and it’s always best to respect the couple’s choices.

Don’t make assumptions

Do your homework and talk to the couple the first time you meet them. Don’t assume their gender or their roles. Don’t assume in a cis-gendered male / female relationship that the female is going to take the male’s last name. Don’t assume that even if someone is referring themself as “bride” they are going to wear a dress. Don’t assume just based of first appearances what their genders are. It’s mistaken assumptions that can lead to hurtful exchanges and heart break. Whenever you don’t know something, ask before assuming!

Change your language and Documents

Using words like bridal suite or bridesmaids in your daily speech, or even on your website and contracts limits people who don’t identify as a “bride” on their wedding day. Here are some words you can use instead:

Bridal Suite | Use instead Wedding suite, Green room, VIP room, Getting ready room, Break room, Couple’s lounge
Bridal Party | Use instead Wedding party, Party crew, Wedding team
Bridesmaids/Groomsmen | Use instead Attendants, Crew members, Wedding team , Crew mates, BFFS
Maid of Honor/Best Man | Use instead Person of Honor, Best Person
Flower Girl | Use instead Flower Child, Flower Person
Bachelorette/Bachelor Party | Use instead BachelorX, Bach Bash, Pre-wedding Bash
“Hey Guys” | Use instead Hey Folks, Hey Team, Y’all, Hey you two!
Brother/Sister | Use instead Sibling(s)
Mother/Father | Use instead Parents, Parent of spouse, Caregivers
Groom’s cake | Use instead Second cake, Themed cake, Couple’s cake
Father-daughter dance/Mother-son dance | Use instead Special dances, Parent dances, Family dances

Use gender neutral language! Your future LGBTQ+ friend or couple will not feel represented if they are looking at your instagram feed or contracts and see you using binary language.

Don’t Just Showcase White, Straight Couples

Couples won’t feel seen or heard if they go on your website and they only see white, straight cis-gendered couples. If you haven’t worked with people of color or LGBTQ+ couples and would like to - produce a styled shoot! Hire (and pay) real couples or models who actually identify as LGBTQ+, BIPOC, LatinX, Asian, Indigenous etc. Have fun! Partner with other weddings vendors and businesses who are smaller or share a different culture from you! Seek out amazing BIPOC and LGBTQ+ vendors that you admire. It’s a great way to expand your team, network, and learn from each other’s differences. You will get some beautiful photos that showcase all kinds of love and people and build new relationships with vendors you may not have worked with before.

Educate yourself

Google is a great resource. If there is something you don’t understand look it up! Ask a colleague who you admire. Try not to put all of the questions on the couple. It’s not their job to educate you. There are great books you can read, webinars you can take, podcasts you can listen to, and media you can watch.

Be an ally

Educate yourself. Be explicit about your ally ship everywhere you can. Create an ally pledge and share it on your website and social media. Share it with the world. Be vocal! Speak up if someone is being mis-gendered or mis-titled. Speak up against hate, discrimination, prejudice, dislike and/or hostility. Speak up if you hear a micro aggression. Elevate the stories and experiences of those who are less heard on social media.

Donate

There are many great charities out there that support LGBTQ+, BIPOC, AAPI and more! If you really want to show support, you can donate some proceeds to a group you love. You can donate some of your time and volunteer for a cause you support. We like to donate a portion of our proceeds to an LGBTQ+ charity during Pride month. The possibilities are endless! Do what works for you!

Here are some of our favorite charities to donate and work with:

We Say Yepp! - “YEPP strives to create a brave environment for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex (LGBTQI+) youth experiencing homelessness to explore their history, investigate new ways to address their struggles and to celebrate their strengths through personal, leadership and community development programming that incorporate different art-expression forms.”
Brave Space Alliance - “Brave Space Alliance is the first Black-led, trans-led LGBTQ+ Center located on the South Side of Chicago, dedicated to creating and providing affirming, culturally competent, for-us by-us resources, programming, and services for LGBTQ+ individuals on the South and West sides of the city.”
Stop AAPI Hate - “The center tracks and responds to incidents of hate, violence, harassment, discrimination, shunning, and child bullying against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders in the United States.”

Sign Our Ally Pledge

At Fierce Productions we demand excellence. We believe in integrity, inclusivity, creativity, and love! We believe hate does not belong in weddings and events! We understand each individual is unique, and we honor the differences, even if we may not understand, we are working to learn more about them. We created the ally pledge to keep ourselves, and other vendors accountable. We believe it’s a step forward to changing the event industry. Special thanks to Jove Meyer Events for the inspiration to create the pledge. To support this mission, we only collaborate with creative partners who agree to being an active ally, online and off, and sign our pledge to choose love above hate! Check out our ally pledge and fill it out to keep yourself accountable as well!

How to Make Your Wedding Business More Inclusive